This excerpt is under copyright and may not be shared among any other sights without proper credit and link to the official author (me, A. Inge) and this paragraph
Life is taken in steps. A little at a time. It starts with a piercing scream. Some liken it to a war cry others to the sound emitted when one realizes you’re stuck on this earth for goodness knows how long. No matter your perspective and individual personalities, there are things that connect us all. Sometimes what connects us are our differences. Balance. Oh no here comes the hippie. I wont ask you to trust me. In fact if you trust me just because I have something to say that means you arent a critical thinker and my words mean nothing because truth will always have to fight to stick around. If you arent a critical thinker you dont know what truth to fight for and theres nothing you can truly do.
Why so harsh on non-intellectuals? Actually not. I’m shaking up a little on the definition critical thinker. I believe anyone can be a critical thinker. Poor, broken, drunk, sober, anyone. You won’t always succeed at finding truth, but trying wont go unreturned. And this brings me to my point.
Trying is important and the small victories we are blind to are what truly make us.
Let me begin by defining trying. Trying is anytime someone or something sets a goal in their mind and begins to work towards it and fails in completing their goal. Small victories we are blind to are best explained by example. Getting up early everyday for a month- avoiding sugar- not letting our anger get the best of us- having a good attitude when your boss asks you to go the extra mile. Even the act of wanting to be a good person is a small victory.
I’m a very hurt and broken person. My whole life I’ve worked really hard to find fulfillment and purpose. I’ve struggled with not looking to my siblings for confirmation in who I am. I’ve struggled with feelings of worthlessness because I didnt complete my goals. My goals i havent completed- completely realistic. They’re things like write edit myself and publish book by 15 which truly impacts kids, be an incrediable park kor stunts person (literally cant even spell it, just think flips) be an influential leader for this generation, start a revival in america, the list goes on.
Being average terrifies me. I want to be special and I want to earn that right not just have it handed to me. I say it in the present tense cause being average still terrifies me.
I want to have the best grades, be the best at my work, publish the best books, and most importantly lead hundreds to Christ.
You know I still struggle with this cause just writing it makes me sad. Cause I’m not any of these things. I’m 17 and never led someone to Christ. I havent even published a book. I’m far from the best at work. And my grades fluctuate to put it nicely.
But that’s it. I’m done letting the world dictate my standards for success. If you’ve seen Creed 2 you’ll understand this. If you havent you should it’s amazing. But there is a moment, the second time he is training to go beat the Russian when he falls behind the truck. Hes running to get in shape to box this Russian fella and his mentor and trainer- Rocky- is driving the truck and saying get up get up. Because Rocky knows.
You have to know how to get back up. To stare your failure in the face. My biggest fear is failure so when I live my life, I dont even consider it a possibility. I x it out and say no I am going to do the hard stuff so no one can ever say I didnt give it my all. But it’s not about them. What I thought was God separating me from my family was really Him teaching me not find my worth in their words. I still struggle. I want to have top grades and work 40 hours and stand out and be the best of the best and change lives with my words and stories. But I’m done calling myself worthless because I havent accomplished every goal yet.
I am a failure. And I’m done hiding from it. I’ve failed as a student and as a Christrain as an author and as a sister and a family member and a member of society. I’m sorry and you can judge me for that. Because I’m putting my worth in Gods hands. I dont feel like I’m enough, but He tells me I am. He shows me favor every day and I have the audacity and the brokenness to tell Him it’s not enough. That He cant be my God and be the God of my failures too? He didnt leave me in the fire. He didnt leave me in the storm. He whispered peace when I made war. I dont care what I am- failure, perfect, author, fighter- as long as He can use me. And yes, He can use everyone. For the people who like proof I am going to steal from stephen furtick here and say look at Rahab. She was a prostitute and God still used her. Stop saying you arent clean enough. Stop saying you arent enough. God can meet you right where you’re at. I hate the feeling of what if a that comes with being vulnerable, but when the words come out this quickly and form a message so smoothly I can’t help but think the bigger what if God needs to use me to whisper encouragement for someone. So here is to all the ones that tried, and got the small victories they couldn’t see and went to bed thinking they failed. Failure is a thing of the past and its loathing we should be grateful for and learn from. Strength and power are you future.
• A. Inge